The Chronicles of Joe: Quest for the Missing Forearm is a tale of how a young boy becomes a young man and how he gets back his forearm.
Once Upon A Time...Edit
There was a boy named Joe. he and some other kids that don't really matter were in a class with a Thing that nobody liked. It was not nessecarily a person or anything that had actual feelings and this was because it had been cursed many thousands of years ago. During this time, (she, now immortal because that's also punishment, living sorrowfully forever) she gained several infinite amounts of pounds. Throughout the years, its fat, mush, and flabs absorbed Atlantis, the Mayas and the mysterious colonists of Roanoke Island. In fact, one day in a nearby park there was a man who was proposing to a woman and the woman said "Yes, Yeas YeaAAAHHHHHH, IT'S ABSORBING ME, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!".
Well that day it was feeling especially pourous and absorbable. Joe was next to her in science class taought by Mrs. McTeacher. As the teacher was filing, a small amount of mush sagged down and touched his forearm. He screamed "AHHHH, AAAHHH, GET IT OFF ME, GET MEHEHeh (crying)(sob)(whine)(sob again)." He used 2.75 gallons of Hand Sanitizer and ended up having to send it to the Dry Cleaner(since his forearm is not machine washable), but they were disgusted by it and shooed him away. So he gnawed it off at the edges. A few fellow classmates told him how to get his arm back.
So They Sat Outside...Edit
and discussed how he would get his arm back. The four WHISPER, WHISPERED about how and what to do. Joe went to Miami and got on the bus, he went to a building and talked to a guy with a feathery head. He didn't tell him anything of use but the now, he had street cred, apparently. A gang of hoodlums took him to the beach where they told him how and what way to swim and stuff. He took a very large breath, so big it superceded all the winds, and exhaled, which rocketed him to the ocean, the breath took him over Cuba. Somehow, he ended up in Puerto Rico and "spoke their language". They kicked him over to the first of the Antilles and he bounced from one to another. He was now in Venezuela.
There he met a Wierd Guy who spoke Americanese...Edit
and introduced him to small mountain leapord. Joe was furious and kicked the cat only to find it was rubber ish and bounced back to a nearby mountain. He then had to apologize. He asked why everything in his life was so complicated and the man said "PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE!". He bought him a plane ticket to Spain to meet an alliance of Arm Resurecterers.
Now Here's Where it Get's Complicated...Edit
because he had to go to their secret metting place. There they explained their purpose."For too long we have lived under the oppression of those who wouldn't have us ressurect body parts. Now, the time to strike back, is here.". Some guy got his thigh back, but Joe was creeped out. They sent hm to an Affiliate Entity, ON THE MOON!
Megusta turned me to stone...Edit
is what someone would say if they met Medusa's Hispanic sister, Megusta, who lives on the moon. Joe stole an rocket from the Government,but it was a secret rocket, and if they arrested him he would just call the news and tell them. Besides, they trusted him because he was a responsible rocket driver, didn't text and drive, and knew how to parellel park. He there met Megusta, who didn't turn him to stone because he had a rifle. She looked at his infected forearm which he carried around and turned it to stone. She attached it were it went and un-petrified it. Apparently, infection is lost in petrification. He happy, hugged Megusta and walked away. Little did he know it was loose at the wrist and part of his pinky got chipped off. He later reattached his arm tightly, but the problem was now the Pinky.
He Had to go into The Thing...Edit
to go to Atlantis and go to Narnia from there, which he did. it was a horrible experience and I'm not going to say what he went through so this is a short chapter.
Aslan breathed on his fingerand for some reason, Mr. Tumnus licked it. but it was for the price of his ringfinger that he got his pinky back. This made him yell "OH COME ON!!!!" in anger for yet another trip. Aslan was kind enough to take him through The Thing in advance and take him to his destination, Alaska.
In Alaska, a Magical Narwhal...Edit
poked his ringfinger hole with his unicorn horn and it grew back. He then got on one knee and was deemed from young boy to young man as if being knighted by the narwhal. He used his horn instead of a sword, than swimmed away towards Mexico. This was finally the end of all of young Joe's suffering, or so he thought...